The Day I Killed Jesus…

Posted on April 4, 2010


It’s Easter. 3:03am. And I’m writing this because I wanted write down a few thoughts. I wanted to repent of something, actually.

I am guilty of spiritual pride.

Not the kind of pride that says I have everything right, rather the kind that says if you live by different standards it is my place to judge you.

I was listening to my new pastor’s most recent sermon and in it two young men spoke about their experience with religion. Long story short Mark Driscoll was brought up in a positive light. This bothered me.

I have at times been a fan of Driscoll, but more recently have thought that he was utterly ridiculous. And while listening to these stories I judged the young man, and the church for appreciating Mark Driscoll.

I was raised a fundamentalist. A dogmatic, legalistic, Pharisaical, believer that delighted more in tradition and rules than in my relationship with Christ. At the time my relationship with Christ was non-existent.

Now I’ve wandered to the other end of the spectrum.

I have thought myself “superior” to those fundamentalists in thought and in actions for the past few years.

The problem with this line of thinking is that when I am focused on others wrongs, I’m taking my own eyes off of Christ. I’ve been missing the point.

Tony Campolo says “It is not love the sinner hate the sin. It is love the sinner hate the sin in yourself.” I hate my pride.

Why is it so much easier for me to love unbelievers than believers?

Am I just bitter?

Jaded even?

Either way I pray that God will bring me back to a place of wholeness not only with Himself, but also a place of wholeness with the body of Christ.

THE FACT of the matter is that there are people who benefit from a more conservative line of faith, and there are those who learn more from the more emergent line of faith. It is NOT my place to judge which way is better. Instead it is only my place to figure out which way works most for me, so that I am best able to serve God in the community of which I’m a part.

That community is about to change. I’ll be in Portland in a month and I look forward to the shell-shock. It is time for me to let go of this pride, and Lord willing I will be more effective in sharing Christ’s love as I deal with it.

Today is Easter, and it’s not something I celebrate. As I said in my last blog it’s always been more of a solemn occasion for me because it’s a day when I am forced to remember that I am responsible for Christ’s murder. We all are. Thank God He is risen, but still, it is humbling to remember that He rose after taking the burden of MY sins upon his back. He died and suffered through the very sin of the pride I’m repenting of now, and bled for me. It convicts me every time I think about it.

So with this I’ll close. It really is true… Love NEVER fails. Love in how we respond to others, love in how we look at those who believe differently… Love is the only way to combat the darkness we are immersed in on a daily basis. Today is a day we remember that Jesus himself proved this lesson. In dying for us His love conquered darkness. And in his resurrection love became the ultimate characteristic of a God who desires and delights in us.

Thank you God…

And thank you Shaun Garman for your message from last Sunday.